Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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