Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
