that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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