i jhust puked up my retainher.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
