what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
