I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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