This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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