I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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