Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
