True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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