That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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