I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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