My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
