I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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