I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
