i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
