It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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