So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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