I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
