wrigley field is MILF paradise
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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