there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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