sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
