i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
