can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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