Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
