I can tuck mytits in my pants
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
