Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
