I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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