i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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