I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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