I got chris browned last night
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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