if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
