Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
