Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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