Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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