It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize