Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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