Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
