you're like a bully in the Christmas story
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize