I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
