he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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