Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
