i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
