I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
