Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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