I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
