I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
