I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i now understand why vodka
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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