Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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