I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
