The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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