he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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