The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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