Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
