so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
