i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
