her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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