i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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