Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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