Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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