I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
