Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
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