i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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