i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
