I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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