If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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