Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize