remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
